[ In the dark, Clarisse rolls over and squints at the screen of her phone. It takes her a couple minutes to answer. At first she thinks it's her dyslexia, that she's not correctly reading whatever this is actually supposed to say, but it's the same when she turns on the speech function and a monotone voice reads it out loud: You understand nothing. ]
what the fuck are you talking about are you high right now
Though he, of course, started this battle tonight.... Regardless, Paimon has learned by now that turning on "capslock" is how to express shouting. He takes a few minutes to find the "capslock" and thenβ )
[ Well, the way she sees it, she has two options. Option One: Turn her phone off and go back to sleep, content in the knowledge that she took the high road and didn't engage with a literal demonic presence. Option Two: Turn on capslock and scream back at him.
( And so begins King Paimon's first Rage Text session.... though he's still extremely slow about it, because he's typing with one finger and having to find the letters. It takes awhile.
Part of Clarisse is actually wondering whether Paimon has made a lucky guess, or whether he knows something about Ares and pigs somehow. Boars are one of his sacred animals, and they've been used to insult her before. Obviously she isn't going to ask him, though. This is kind of infuriating. ]
I AM A DAUGHTER OF THE GOD OF WAR GRANDDAUGHTER OF THE KING OF THE GODS SLAYER OF THE LYDIAN DRAKON I CAN RAISE THE DEAD AND MAKE THEM DO MY BIDDING I CAN CALL DOWN CURSES UPON ANY WEAPON WHAT HAVE YOU DONE EXCEPT PISS ME THE FUCK OFF AND MAKE ME HALLUCINATE BUGS??? IF I'M A PIG, YOU'RE JUST A LEECH. I COULD STOMP YOUR FUCKING GUTS OUT WITH MY BOOT.
( The funny thing is, Paimon has no idea about the connection to Ares and pigs. It was just something to insult her with β pigs being a certain low rung on the hierarchical ladder as a slaughter animal.
But though he doesn't know exactly why he's hit a nerve, it's clear he has. And he's SHAKING, immediately screaming his own credentials. Aka things he's read about himself in the grimoires.
He also imitates the way she types things out, one line at a time, which ironically.... really helps him. )
I AM KING PAIMON MOST LOYAL TO LUCIFER HIM SELF CARDINAL KING OF THE WEST RULER OF 200 LEGIONS YOU KNOW NOTHING OF MY TRUE POWER YOU HAVE ONLY GLIMPSED IT YOU WILL SUFFER AT MY HANDS
I CAN RAISE THE DEAD AND MAKE THEM DO MY BIDDING BETTER THAN YOU
ooh BIG fucking deal, you leech and now you've taken over the body of a teenage boy who can barely tie his shoes without falling over. good for you. you're really showing us all how powerful you are
I WILL LOCATE THE MEANING USING TOMES OF MUCH GREATER KNOWLEDGE THAN THE DICTIONARY
( He doesn't know what a dictionary is but if she recommended it, then he knows it SUCKS! He'll find sarcasm in other, better books! (He won't though...) )
( The absolutely horrible thing.....is that he actually just straight up looks up the meaning of this one, himself. On the Omni's search feature.
Sure, she'd said "fuck" before and he'd copied it; he didn't know what he was saying. Now that Luna's involved, well.... He needs to know.
He finds multiple results. )
IF YOU MEAN FUCK AS IN HAVE SEXUAL INTERCOURSE WE DO NOT HAVE SEXUAL INTERCOURSE I AM NOT A HUMAN ENSLAVED BY CARNAL DESIRES I AM A DEMON KING I AM KING PAIMON
( .....Goetic demons don't fuck, apparently. But he's not done screaming about it )
OUR BOND IS NOT OF FLESH BUT OF SPIRIT SHE GAVE ME HER HAIR AND I GAVE HER MY VOW WHAT WE HAVE EXCHANGED TRANSCENDS THE FLESH WE ARE ONE
( RIP Clarisse's Omni, as every single line will be sent as a new text. He's also sending one of his Many Saved Photos Off Pinterest to clarify the point. )
[ Luna, what the fuck is wrong with you?? But anyway, in case anybody was expecting Clarisse to concede defeat, she refuses. She just immediately pivots to the next stupid insult. ]
okay so what you're telling me is that you're just a sad old virgin
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
laruetheday) wrote2021-09-04 06:23 pm
text | un: P.G.
And so it suddenly comes in the middle of the night, completely unwarranted.... )
you understand nothing
text
what the fuck are you talking about
are you high right now
no subject
But he chooses sass and hatred. )
i am higher than you.
as i have always been .
as i will always be
.
beest
( ....Beast. )
no subject
oh, you learned how to text, you fucking degenerate?
i bet mommy is so proud of you
no subject
Though he, of course, started this battle tonight.... Regardless, Paimon has learned by now that turning on "capslock" is how to express shouting. He takes a few minutes to find the "capslock" and thenβ )
MOMMY
MOMMY
MOMMY
BE SILENCED
PIG
NO
PIG
no subject
Option One: Turn her phone off and go back to sleep, content in the knowledge that she took the high road and didn't engage with a literal demonic presence.
Option Two: Turn on capslock and scream back at him.
Obviously she picks Option Two. ]
YOU TEXTED ME, YOU DUMB FUCK
YOU BE SILENCED
no subject
His spacing also reads a bit like beat poetry. )
YOU WILL SHOW
ME RESPECT
I AM A
KING
YOU ARE
A PIG
no subject
Part of Clarisse is actually wondering whether Paimon has made a lucky guess, or whether he knows something about Ares and pigs somehow. Boars are one of his sacred animals, and they've been used to insult her before. Obviously she isn't going to ask him, though. This is kind of infuriating. ]
I AM A DAUGHTER OF THE GOD OF WAR
GRANDDAUGHTER OF THE KING OF THE GODS
SLAYER OF THE LYDIAN DRAKON
I CAN RAISE THE DEAD AND MAKE THEM DO MY BIDDING
I CAN CALL DOWN CURSES UPON ANY WEAPON
WHAT HAVE YOU DONE EXCEPT PISS ME THE FUCK OFF AND MAKE ME HALLUCINATE BUGS??? IF I'M A PIG, YOU'RE JUST A LEECH. I COULD STOMP YOUR FUCKING GUTS OUT WITH MY BOOT.
no subject
But though he doesn't know exactly why he's hit a nerve, it's clear he has. And he's SHAKING, immediately screaming his own credentials. Aka things he's read about himself in the grimoires.
He also imitates the way she types things out, one line at a time, which ironically.... really helps him. )
I AM KING PAIMON
MOST LOYAL TO LUCIFER HIM SELF
CARDINAL KING OF THE WEST
RULER OF 200 LEGIONS
YOU KNOW NOTHING OF MY TRUE POWER
YOU HAVE ONLY GLIMPSED IT
YOU WILL SUFFER AT MY HANDS
I CAN RAISE THE DEAD AND MAKE THEM DO MY BIDDING BETTER THAN YOU
no subject
and now you've taken over the body of a teenage boy who can barely tie his shoes without falling over. good for you. you're really showing us all how powerful you are
that was sarcasm, obviously
no subject
THAN IN THE DEER TOWN
I AM VERY POWERFUL
IT IS GOOD THAT YOU ACKNOWLEDGE THIS
( ...He doesn't know what sarcasm means. And the very next second, he says as much. )
I DO NOT KNOW WHAT A SARCASM IS
EXPLAIN NOW
no subject
no subject
YOU DUMB SHIT
( Are the effects of the insults lessened if you just straight up copy what someone else said )
no subject
no subject
( He doesn't know what a dictionary is but if she recommended it, then he knows it SUCKS! He'll find sarcasm in other, better books! (He won't though...) )
MY WITCH HAS MANY BOOKS
DID YOU EVEN KNOW THAT
no subject
you don't own her
no subject
I AM HER DEMON
IT IS NOT OWNERSHIP
WE ARE BONDED
WHY ARE YOU CRUEL
( Paimon you started this fight )
no subject
what does that even mean
are you trying to tell me that you fuck luna???
[ EW, PAIMON ]
screamskgkd
Sure, she'd said "fuck" before and he'd copied it; he didn't know what he was saying. Now that Luna's involved, well.... He needs to know.
He finds multiple results. )
IF YOU MEAN FUCK AS IN HAVE SEXUAL INTERCOURSE
WE DO NOT HAVE SEXUAL INTERCOURSE
I AM NOT A HUMAN ENSLAVED BY CARNAL DESIRES I AM A DEMON KING I AM KING PAIMON
( .....Goetic demons don't fuck, apparently. But he's not done screaming about it )
OUR BOND IS NOT OF FLESH BUT OF SPIRIT
SHE GAVE ME HER HAIR AND I GAVE HER MY VOW
WHAT WE HAVE EXCHANGED TRANSCENDS THE FLESH
WE ARE ONE
( RIP Clarisse's Omni, as every single line will be sent as a new text. He's also sending one of his Many Saved Photos Off Pinterest to clarify the point. )
DO YOU UNDERSTAND NOW
:')
[ Luna, what the fuck is wrong with you?? But anyway, in case anybody was expecting Clarisse to concede defeat, she refuses. She just immediately pivots to the next stupid insult. ]
okay so what you're telling me is that you're just a sad old virgin
2/2
no subject
BUT I AM NOT SAD
( ....... )
DO YOU FEEL THREATENED, DEMIGOD
I HAVE MANY PHOTOS
BEG ME AND PERHAPS I WILL NOT SEND ANY MORE
TO YOU
no subject
nice try
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